Summer Holiday 2011!!

What a great holiday we have just had. The first week was spent in England split between my mum and Johns folks. We started with selling Johns car. Then hired a car and journeyed in that. In Corbridge we immersed ourselves in all things Roman - a pleasant break from Vikkings!

I stayed at Mums and did the 'Great British Weather Show' live on Wed evening, with my brother in law, Tom. For the previous 2 weeks, e mails had come from and to the production team, as I am a member of the Cloud Appreciation Society - we had specifically been invited to the show all about clouds. I was a person of interest being from Shetland. We turned up at 6pm and it rained and rained. It was clear I was not a person of interest. At 7pm the crowd (and surprisingly there was a crowd) moved to the filming area. There the society was called for and 10 of us presented ourselves. it was nice when the team put my face to the emails - but non personage confirmed. was just interesting hat wearing cloud appreciation member. I did however get to be filmed - but with a 'cloud spotting frame' on my face making look a freak in a freaks society with a duck look about it. Good lessons learned all round and it was fun.

Great family re-union in Northallerton - where we celebrated with lunch at Bettys. Back to Ripon to johns folks and a great play in the local play park. Just fantastic whole family fun!

The journey to Disney in Paris started next day, with a trip to Kent and a night with Simone and Bernard Borchardt. Lovely people, with lovely home. They gave us a great end to the travel. And so onto through the Chunnel and down to DLRP. It went smoothly and we ended by playing in the park at the ranch.
The next 4 days were spent with mornings packed full of Disney Studios and Park. The afternoons swimming, tree top adventuring and sleeping!! We did all we could want and I think all our family had a fantastic time.
The journey home started with a drive to Surrey and a night with the excellent Nicky and Charlie. Again a lovely time with generous folk. The next day was traveling to Northumberland - and a night with mum. Then lastly a drive to Aberdeen and the ferry home.

Phew!! What a great time.

Struggling

I have been given the opportunity to forgive.
I feel aggrieved that my husband could not get over himself and ask me to dance at my brothers wedding. I felt belittled by this and ugly in his eyes.
This is a problem. I need to feel attractive generally and to my husband especially. So this has been a mental blow that I did not need, and that I told him he was inflicting on me at the time. It made no difference we did not dance.
Reading up on the process of forgiveness I understand that I am hurting myself in not doing the work of forgiveness. It certainly feels miserable, and everything is tinged with a sadness to me. Jogging was like being 10kg heavier. So I am fed up of being cross. But how to forgive??
1. Must stop rehearsing my grievance
2. See it from his point of view. OK, lets try that:
Disco dancing makes me feel scared and embarrassed. This process makes me feel ill and exposed. I understand my wife wants to dance but it just makes me feel unwell and scared. I have a long journey to make at an early hour of the morning and I really just want to get back to the hotel and sleep. Dancing will not make this goal happen, instead I will be stuck until after midnight because if I dance once she will expect me to dance more - this I know from past experience. I can hear she is hurt and wants to dance and she is angry - this is just making me more determined not to dance - how much fun can it be when she is in this mood?
*OK I am done with that. As I write it I just shoot down his side of the argument as miserable excuses- NOT helping.
3. Think of positive things that have come out of the negative experience. Here goes
- he got his sleep, which he is not good without and was needed for the journey
- we safely made it to Wales, including getting lost.
-we picked up a new cat!
-we traveled safely onwards home.
- Husband has been contrite and done little tasks without the usual prompting
- Husband played with children in a manner he usually wouldn't due to his self consciousness, because of his contriteness - to the utter delight of the children.
4. If amends are made - I MUST move on
5. If amends are not made - I MUST move on - but not repeat the same exposure to vulnerability. I see this as not inviting him to be with me on any future occasions that may involve dancing. This is deeply sad - but probably a huge relief to him. In this way I will be able to dance (assuming I have got myself into a situation where it is inevitable eg: Up Helly Aa) without all his transference baggage.
6. Accidentally while writing this I have realised part of why I have felt SO awful and angry about what is really small beef. I said it just above - transference. He's given me all his emotional baggage and I have amplified it. I certainly was not looking unattractive - that must have been him feeling like that.

So moving on.